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�� Okay, I know I recently promised "no more personal blogs". But I didnapos;t really mean it. Continuing noises from the peanut gallery out in left field oblige me to throw you a curve. (Have you ever noticed how many phrases from�the ancient National Pastime have infiltrated our�daily language? Even in the U.K., cricket-loving types now refer to apos;ballpark estimatesapos; without, I�think, realizing that they are referring to baseball.)

�� Where was I? Oh, yes. - an essay on Love. As�I recall from reading T.S. Eliotapos;s apos;The Cocktail Partyapos; about fifty years ago, it concerned one person who was incapable of loving and another who was incapable of receiving love. Iapos;m too lazy to check it out; if that wasnapos;t the theme, it should have been.

�� But can persons such as this exist in real life? I�apply,�comme toujours, the relentless light of introspection to my own psyche. Being unloving isnapos;t my problem: as a card-carrying romantic, I am always in love with someone, or even several someones at once. Receiving love is a different story. A basic lack of self-esteem,�resulting over the years�in the construction of high walls for self-defense,�has made me extremely unwilling to accept any evidence of interest from another party.

�� But as Barack Obama would say, "Hereapos;s the thing."

�

���� To be continued.

�

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WITH Australiaapos;s Next Top Model judge Charlotte Dawson given the weekend off to be near her jailbird boyfriend Matthew Rhodin, who is facing fraud charges, model Cheyenne Tozzi stepped into the fold.

But that could prove a more permanent move for the New York-based beauty, after she impressed producers at the Townsville casting call.

A spokesman for the star search show told Confidential the 20-year-old was "in talks to be part of series five (next year) but was great" as Dawsonapos;s last-minute fill-in.

Tozzi had her own boy trouble yesterday, denying reports she is dating photographer Nick Leary.

Meanwhile, Rhodin spent the weekend behind bars in Surry Hills after failing to come up with the $100,000 bail to secure his freedom.

The 41-year-old is facing charges over an alleged debt to the Commonwealth Bank of $7.36 million.

I hope this isnt a more permanent move i love Charlotte Dawson she is the person who stops all the crap and tells the girls to pull there heads in and she is very intimidating i dont think Cheyenne Tozzi could fill that spot as well.


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I have this overwhelming urge to watch the very best thing i can think of.

the urge got short-circuited in much the way you might picture a short-circuit happening, with many sparks things that look like lightning bolts arcing around crossing from one point to another perhaps explosions then more sparks blinking lights, smoke, confusion, that moment when youapos;re stunned from all the explosions you could swear that that chicken really DID walk across the street, explaining on its way where why it was going. all that.

so, naturally, i took pause.

nothing would suit.

i didnapos;t write any of it. So i didnapos;t want any of it. So i donapos;t know what to do.


ordinarily, iapos;d ask, isnapos;t that egotistical of me or am i not making a lot more of me that i ought to-?

but not tonight.


i donapos;t like it. They arenapos;t doing a very good job. I could do better. A lot better.


i shall.


i wonapos;t apologize for this. I am sick of apologies. Iapos;m angry about it. Iapos;m pissed off about it.

iapos;m allowed to be.



five nights
no sleep
my mindapos;s battered
stock market freefall
my dreams shattered
lost cause
pulled up a sure winner
made a few bob in my new job
a serial killer


--- Timmy


so it is okay that iapos;m angry about it, in spite of the ego-self ramifications.



complicated day.



i am very disappointed in it. Not for any real reason, as you can see. Just another little calling card along the line of youapos;d better stand up do something before that fire youapos;re sitting on burns your ass.




iapos;ve read things tonight from people who really believe they can tell the future, from empaths who claim the power of precognition - who will go to great lengths to defend that.

i am here to tell you that thereapos;s no such thing, no one can see the future, that i am very angry because there are people who are doing their very best to pretend to be funny on national television when i could do so much better that i have no idea what tomorrow brings but that those two ideas put together in my mind make me very, very angry.

i am insensible.

for this, i apologize.


either way, i think i still gotta get this fire off my ass.


good idea-? yes-?






if you think i am a platypus today, email me, i will write you a one-hundred-thousand word reply explaining why iapos;m not. Which is to say, clearly i am not a platypus today.




even still - iapos;ve not done enough. This is what tomorrow is for.

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So this should be relatively short because Iapos;m waiting for a friend to come over before we go out tonight. Which Iapos;m really excited about. No cornish kids, barely anyone I know. Itapos;s a little intimidating but itapos;s really exciting. Hopefully Iapos;ll find someone that I click with here. Iapos;m never the type to just sit in the corner but you never know with us gays. As long as there arenapos;t any catty boys who just like stirring up drama or are threatened by me. Why theyapos;d be threatened by me I donapos;t know but itapos;s happened before. Itapos;s probably because of my rockin body and my unsettlingly beautiful face. Haha insert sarcasm previously. Anyway color me excited.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare that Sean was gone and that he couldnapos;t dance. I think I talked about this yesterday. Anyway, today he showed up at company warm up and I was like, Okay, Iapos;m safe. But then he didnapos;t show up at rehearsal He was sick with the flu ohmyfuckinggawdmydreamisabouttocometrueandnotinthehappyfairytaleway That looong sentence is definitely what went through my head right when I heard that. I barely managed to float by but float by I did. I didnapos;t get kicked out like I was expecting. So things are okay.

Time to go. Wish me luck

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We had our thanksgiving dinner today and boy was it yummy yeah it was a week late, but we were all to busy last weekend. Cameron has been so good yesterday and today i hope it carrys on because I was getting very sick of the stage he was going threw

Spent the day at my parents and had major problems with my ahsma all day...i hate not feeling like i can breath. Yuck Also slept funny and must of pinched something in my hip because its soooooo soar today...can barely walk this am, i can walk now but man it hurts

Went roller skating last night with Ty. It was extremely busy which was pretty cool i didnt expect it to be so busy. There were some older people there that were so good at dancing on their skates...but they were also old enough they probably grew up doing it. Me i was just trying to stay on my feat haha. We went to the cheese cake cafe after. As soon as we walked in i said to Ty that we were going to get bad service...and sure enough we did And the waitress must of overheard me bitching about because she kept apologizing. Well stop apologizing and do your job right i mean waiting 20 minutes for a glass of water DID NOT impress me I hate how service has gone down so poorly in the last few years..its bull shit

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Lol n�in ihan hemmetin sekoa unta. XDD Oltiin jossain m�kill� viett�m�ss� juhannusta, min� Aleksi, Jenna ja Laura.�XD�Sitten yhess� vaiheessa tajusin ett� siell� m�kill� oli lis� huoneita joissa oli porukkaa viett�m�ss� juhannusta ja yhdess� niist� oli gallerian LUTKA eli Sami�XDD Ja jotain sen kavereita. XD
Sitten random l�hdin sinne Samin ja sen kavereiden huoneeseen enk� muista mit� siell� tein mut jossai vaiheessa olin siell� Samin peiton alla ja siell� oli kauhee tyynysota�XD�
Sit me l�hdettiin yhdess� kaikki ulos paistamaan vaahtokarkkeja. 8D<3
Sit oli ihan tyhm� her�t� joskus puol yhdelt� kun �iti tuli sillee "ROOSA�YL�S�KELLO�ON�JO�PALJON" 8(�En edelleenk�n kest� �iti�. =____=

.....Kohta joudun vahtimaan sit� helvetin Kasperia. >8(
Vittu.
Pit�s olla puolille �in. XD DAMN
Onneks saan rahaa OMG�VOIN�OSTAA�NE�HOUSUT

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Doing a little cleaning and came across my Polaroid Model 150 Land Camera with on camera flash with optional flashbulb attachment, meter attachment, 2 packs of AG1 bulbs and a light reducer filter.

Why do I keep this thing? They donapos;t make Polaroid Type 47 instant roll film anymore and never will again. Itapos;s a paperweight .. But still, I keep it in its case and look at it fondly. I need help.

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solar Power 2008 was exciting. So many people, cutting edge technology, lots of energy Everyone was green. The weather was perfect in San Diego, California where the conference was held. I amazingly bumped into so many people I knew at the conference. I learned a lot while there observing the industry. This conference takes me back to the frenzy of the dotcom generation when the intenet market was exploding. Yes I was a� young lady then just jumping into all of the excitment of the birth of a new industry. And although solar has been around for sometime, and other country's such as Germany and Japan are far ahead of us in the United States, the market is booming. You wouldn't believe there was a financial crisis at all on Wall Street.

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I must be mad.

I am considering doing a PGCE.

At CAMBRIDGE of all places

Emailed them with a bunch of questions. The main one being "if there are any spaces and I can get an application in by Monday, can I join right now?", which is a little mad Iapos;ll admit. And very unlikely, but Mum said you never know.

They want people to have some teaching work experience so Iapos;m going to head down to my brotherapos;s school and speak to my old latin teacher about getting some work experience there. Iapos;ve also asked if they have a prospectus or open day.

The best thing is that I am apparently eligible for a 6000 pound bursary

They require a 2.1 (easily done) and some latin (less easily done), apparently if I donapos;t have latin I need to email the lecturer and ask what to do.

I am...nervous and excited.
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